Charles Atlas, Where Are You?

When I tell people that I was overweight as a child/teen, and that it's difficult for me to build muscle because of my poor body image, what I really mean is --

My reality looks something like this:

So in response, I work out, eat well, and enjoy the pump. I am consistent for several weeks. In my head, I feel like this:

But I probably actually look like this:

Eventually, my clothes stop fitting and I start to worry that I'm getting "too big." I second-guess myself. So I diet before my body has a proper chance to grow. It's not a conscious decision, usually. I'm not much of an eater - and unlike most of the gainers I know, I actually enjoy feeling "light." Eating too much just makes me feel bloated and brings up unpleasant memories from high school.

So it starts out slowly - I miss a meal here and there. Miss gym sessions. Before I know it, I've lost a lot of the size I have gained. 

Consequently, the cycle continues. I oscillate back and forth, never quite achieving my goal. (Maybe this time will do the trick? I'm getting serious with the lifting again, so who knows? I'm certainly going to do my best to stay consistent.)

What is holding you back from achieving your goals?