Adventures In Cooking #1

I wanted homemade Indian food, so I made palak paneer -- or whatever happens when you add spinach and spices to a cup of fat-free cottage cheese. Same concept, right? I think this tastes all right, but I'm fairly certain anyone else would call it a "hot mess." I'd post pictures, but I'd judge myself. 

Sandra Lee, this entry is for you. It's no "Kwanzaa Cake," but it's pretty damn close. Three cheers for bodybuilding on a shoestring budget! #Bulking #YOLO #CanIusehashtagsonblogger?

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P.S. In case any of you are interested in making *actual* palak paneer, these girls at Show Me The Curry have you covered. I'm Indian myself, so I'll vouch for them -- they're awesome. 

Happy Thursday.

Charles Atlas, Where Are You?

When I tell people that I was overweight as a child/teen, and that it's difficult for me to build muscle because of my poor body image, what I really mean is --

My reality looks something like this:

So in response, I work out, eat well, and enjoy the pump. I am consistent for several weeks. In my head, I feel like this:

But I probably actually look like this:

Eventually, my clothes stop fitting and I start to worry that I'm getting "too big." I second-guess myself. So I diet before my body has a proper chance to grow. It's not a conscious decision, usually. I'm not much of an eater - and unlike most of the gainers I know, I actually enjoy feeling "light." Eating too much just makes me feel bloated and brings up unpleasant memories from high school.

So it starts out slowly - I miss a meal here and there. Miss gym sessions. Before I know it, I've lost a lot of the size I have gained. 

Consequently, the cycle continues. I oscillate back and forth, never quite achieving my goal. (Maybe this time will do the trick? I'm getting serious with the lifting again, so who knows? I'm certainly going to do my best to stay consistent.)

What is holding you back from achieving your goals?

House of Pie (Charts)

But to be fair, it *is* frustrating when the other person eats all your crackers.

I've tried to imagine what a gay male equivalent of this pie chart might look like. But all I can come up with is this:

...But then again, maybe I'm just projecting. (As you can see, having a partner who eats my food without asking is quite a turn-off for me.) Open question for the peanut gallery, a.k.a all two of you: what are your "deal breakers" when it comes to a committed relationship?

October 2013

I randomly stumbled back to this blog. I'd almost forgotten about it, to be honest. But then I logged into Blogger to check on something else, and I saw that I had all these page views. At that point, it only made sense to make an update.

If you've visited this blog before, you'll see that I've deleted a lot of the more personal posts. I've grown a lot since I started here four years ago (no pun intended,) and at this point I'm a bit more selective about what I share on the internet. There are also some posts I wrote as an undergrad that definitely "look" like something a 21 year old would write, and I'm a bit embarrassed by them now (which is why they're hidden.) At some point, I might edit those entries and post them in revised form. We'll see. If you've been here before, you'll know that I'm not very good at updating with any semblance of regularity. So I don't want to make any promises I can't keep.

One thing I *am* thinking about is making this into less of a blog that's exclusively focused on muscle growth/body transformation. I would obviously still post pictures and talk about things I like - but right now, I feel like this blog only represents one part of my personality. There are other things (like music and politics for example,) that I wouldn't mind posting about as well. It wouldn't be a diary though -- mostly random thoughts and discoveries that I've had. Does that sound interesting to anyone?

This is getting long, but in any case: hope you're all doing well, and if there are specific things you would be interested in seeing me blog about, feel free to comment (anonymously, if you wish,) and let me know. Happy Thanksgiving to those of you in Canada!

Picture: A poster I saw at New York City Gay Pride, circa 2013.